Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Can't talk, ducks in the car
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
