i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
