glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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