You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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