Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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