my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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