And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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