Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've blown a few things in my day
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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