i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
