So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This toilet bowl is my home.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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