Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
