The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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