i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
