having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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