Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
