im drinking this country out of the recession.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
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this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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