His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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