His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
