i wish my penis had a tongue
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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