Just cropdusted the office
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
