I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She bit a glass in half.
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
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he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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