my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
