I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
