you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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