reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
