Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
