3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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