Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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