I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
