So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Two words: blizzard sex
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
