I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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