Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
