Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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