I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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