dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
