lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
