By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
