i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
