So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
