I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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