Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
