Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
