when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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