i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
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They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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