Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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