Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
