obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
