new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
