we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
