You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hippo gnu deer
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
