i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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