Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
