help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
