I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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