I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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