He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
