Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
