I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
