he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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