if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
