I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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