I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
