I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Randomize
