I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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