I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
