Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
