I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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