all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
