She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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