I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
