I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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