hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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