I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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