Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
