Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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