I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
