I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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