Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
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he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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