I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
