the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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