just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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