i already hear my dad disowning me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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