My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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