Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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